Colloquial; Synonym for hot bi babe
, often derogatory, condescending, or ironic. A bisexual person, usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple.
The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous
. Because of the demands that this type of couple places on the woman (that she be single and not take on any additional partners, and become involved with both members of the couple equally, and often "complete" their family as a surrogate mother and housekeeper and/or breadwinner and not do anything that may threaten or disrupt the existing couple), many in the poly community call this type of woman a "unicorn", as in mythical and not likely to be found, even though there are plenty of bipoly women around.
Sometimes the unicorn is expected to not develop any emotional attachment and is strictly there for a sexual relationship (equally distributed to both members of the dyad
) and/or is prescripted
as a secondary. This term is used as a reminder that bipoly women are people with their own desires, needs, and pre-existing lives, and not fantasy figures or pets. See related prescriptive vs. descriptive.
John wants a single, attractive woman who will love and have sex equally with him and his wife, but not interfere with their marriage, move in together, help raise their kids but not have any of her own, and not have any other partners. He's looking for something that doesn't exist - he's looking for a unicorn!
A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.
Commentary: Compersion can be thought of as the opposite of "jealousy;" it is a positive emotional reaction to a loved one's other relationship. The term was coined by the Kerista Commune. It differs from candaulism in that compersion does not specifically refer to joy regarding the sexual activity of one's partner, but refers instead to joy at the relationship with another romantic and/or sexual partner. It is analagous to the feeling of joy a parent feels when their children marry or that best friends feel for each other when they are happy in a romantic relationship.
I feel compersion when I see my husband come home happy from spending time with his girlfriend. His happiness brings me happiness
Literally, meta = with; about + amor = love. The partner of one's partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship
My wife's boyfriend is my metamour
Derogatory. An individual or couple seeking a unicorn
. Different from a person who is merely attracted to bisexual poly
people. Refers to someone who is seeking "that special third to complete" their family. They often believe a bisexual third partner will prevent jealous feelings on the part of either of the original members of the dyad because of the mistaken assumption that one will not get jealous if one gets to do all the same things as the other and no one ever experiences anything apart from the other half of the primary couple.
This type of couple expects their hypothetical future partner to be single or willing to give up any existing and future partners, to love & have sex with both members of the original dyad
equally, and for each member of the existing dyad to reciprocate exactly an equal level of love and sexual attraction for the new person.
This type of couple will not consider any kind of relationship with a male, with someone who is only sexually attracted to one of the original dyad members, with someone who is already partnered, & usually promises to break up with the new person for the sake of "protecting" the existing dyad, leaving the unfortunate third partner feeling disposable. Sometimes the unicorn is expected to not develop any emotional attachment and is strictly there for a sexual relationship (equally distributed to both members of the dyad) and/or is prescripted
as a secondary.
John is so insecure about sharing his wife with another person, that he thinks he won't ever feel jealous as long as his wife never does anything with anyone else without him also participating so he's looking for a hot bi babe that'll be willing to share them both equally and not make any waves. He's such a unicorn hunter!
Don't Ask Don't Tell -
1) The Don't Ask Don't Tell policy in the US military, in which homosexuality was to be overlooked as long as no one asked about it and it wasn't obvious or wasn't revealed in any manner. It was intended to give gay members of the military some freedom from persecution, but has, in practice, forced gay people into the closet when revealing their relationship or sexual orientation is cause for punishment.
2) A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people.
Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frown on DADT relationships, and choose not to become involved in such relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including: the idea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simply be cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which that person's partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permits other relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as a way of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and the fact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communication within the existing relationship.
No, honey, I'm not cheating, my wife and I have a DADT open marriage! You can trust me!
The Platinum Rule far predates the How I Met Your Mother episode of the same name. It is similar to the Golden Rule, but more considerate.
It states "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them, not as you would have them do unto you."
The Golden Rule is to treat others as you want to be treated, but the Platinum Rule understands and accommodates for the fact that not everyone wants to be treated the same way. It says that we should treat people how they want to be treated, regardless of how we might personally want to be treated in similar situations.
The Platinum Rule is a much more empathetic, sensitive moral guideline than its predecessor, the Golden Rule, which ignores the wishes and preferences of the recipients of the behaviour in favor of imposing the giver's preferences onto others in a misguided attempt at kindness.
I like having doors held open for me, but Jane prefers to open her own doors. Instead of insisting that she shut up and let me open her doors, I abide by the Platinum Rule, and I let her open her own doors when she wants to.
A person who practices polyamory in a way that tends to separate, compartmentalize, or isolate all of his or her romantic relationships from one another, treating each as a separate entity. A free agent often presents himself or herself as "single" or behaves in ways which are typically associated with the behavior of a single person even when he or she has romantic partners, and often does not consider the potential impact of new relationships upon existing relationships when deciding whether or not to pursue those new relationships.
Commentary: Some believe there are not necessarily two distinct styles of polyamory, those of Free Agent and Family-Oriented. But rather there is a continuum with Free Agent on one end and Family-Oriented on the other. Most people fall somewhere in the middle to one side or the other, with extreme examples of Free Agent resembling casual sex partners or friends with benefits where the partners have no contact and possibly even no knowledge of each other (but an acknowledgement of an open relationship or no sexual committment); and extreme examples of Family-Oriented resembling Polyfidelitous relationships where any new partner of anyone in the Polyfidelitous group automatically has an equal relationship with all other members of the group. Some people are capable of having relationships of varying degrees of emotional intimacy and may slide along the continuum at different times with different relationships.
John is dating Sally and Suzy, but Sally and Suzy have not met and do not know each other and John does not consult Sally or Suzy when deciding to take on more partners. John is a Free Agent